Kuwento ng panganay

“JUST a while ago I overheard my boss discussing about cellular phones, the Malaysian corrosion engineer suggested to him to acquire the CPs that Aramco issues for its employees, its very bulky and it has Internet capability very much like a PDA of sort...he stated that our CPs tell us what kind of personality we have...

“If one has a CP that is slim, smallish and stylish then the owner’s either gay or a woman....So I gave a long look at my CP with a wall paper of two of my cats..(I grieve for the loss of my other cat) and a screen saver of a few pictures I have of Joy....This CP is bulky not slim, so that means I’m not gay. It’s stylish yet nearly everything that I need from taking pictures to listening to music is there. Aside from its Wi-Fi system I can have an office right in my pocket....that just means I’m a stylish person and outgoing...may punto yung Arabo ha...

“I also have another CP which I treasure the most as it was the first brought by my own money, aside from being bought by Joy...the Arab stated that when it comes to your things...you have to be very loyal to them as it also tells if you are loyal to someone...I would guess he was pertaining to the significant other...well I treasure my stuff, even though they are old.

“I laughed at the thought of my fellow expats having very slim CPs. These guys are highly skilled people, they really get down and dirty....I can’t say some of them are gay...ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, no put down intended as I also have gay acquaintances...ha-ha-ha.

“I expect the mirasol over Marduk’s grave to grow so at least I can see where my cat lies...what about my Bonyat? How is he doing?...If there are new kittens and if it’s a white colored she-kitten...akin na ‘yun ha....for sure sa lineage ni Shampoo that kitten would turn out to have blue eyes.... “

Kuwenta ng amang Kulamnista:

Madalas na masabi sa mga katoto na kung nais nilang magpadala ng kalatas, itali sa paa ng free range chicken saka ipahatid—na may kasamang luya, bawang, mantika, hilaw na papaya’t santungkos na talbos ng sili. O kung talagang kailangang maipahatid at maipabatid agad ang kalatas, sunugin ang Bureau of Customs, Kamara, Senado’t Malacañang (tiyakin lang na walang makakawala na animal habang nasusunog ang mga naturan)… ‘kako’y madali namang matutunan ang smoke signals na ginagamit noon pa man sa pakikipagpalitan ng kalatas.

Katotong Dennis Fetalino ang nagpumilit na bigyan ako ng CP 3310 model, talampakan sa kapayakan na kapag inagaw, babalikan ako ng umagaw para bigyan ng pambili ng mas mahal. Bigay pati patak-patak na load. Para mahagilap daw ako’t mayakag sa mga lakad… Bundok Giting-giting sa kanilang lalawigan ang pakay ko, engkantado tulad ng Makiling at Vavilov biodiversity center din.

Iginiit ko na noon na meron na ‘kong CP na may tatlong nunal o taling sa dulo. Erection 66010 that really connects people and such a model betrays a kindly personality.
It was drilled into my cranium to treat the assault weapon issued to me then as my own wife. Pero kahit na ano’ng tingin talaga, hindi katakam-takam at lalong hindi makakangkang, madiwara pa o sobrang bungangera. Naibenta ko.

CPs and assault rifles, my pair of butterfly knives—baling sungay, folded horns which ought to, as your boss’s try at hermeneutics has it, confirm my horniness kept in check—are tools. Adjuncts they are, extensions of certain body parts and competencies. The rifle extends one’s sense of perspective. A CP fans out a sense of touch. And with it we can keep in touch or get a thorough kneading, sangkatutak na lamutak katulad nitong kahindik-hindik na naganap sa “Hello Garci!” na narinig sa buong daigdig.

I may be wrong but such adjuncts can extend one’s built-in inanities, stupidity, and nonsense.

Bonyat’s still a picky eater, won’t touch pandesal so like Shampoo who won’t eat sardines.