'Kagutom... 'Kainggit... 'Kainis...

Liham ng anak:

MY mouth waters just reading of what you bought from Bolinao. Daing here is considered gold....tuyo as platinum and bagoong as diamond...maryoseff. Such commodities are hard to come by. ‘Kagutom...’Kainggit....’Kainis.

Winter here is far from over. We built a heater out of spare parts taken from an old air con so as to dump my complaints of cold-as-hell days. I’m already 130 pounds and still gaining. Joy wants me to keep it under 135 lbs so as to maintain my current build. I sent her a half naked picture of me for her to assess if it’s pleasing enough for her. OK na pwede!!! Yum yum! It’s a good thing my body was already sculpted (due to fetching cow dung and river rocks for our house and garden then), my chest became more prominent and my shoulders broader. My legs are getting stronger as I can do prison squats without pain in my legs when standing up.. Your exercise regimen paid off. But I still need more workouts as I cannot kick as high as I could before.

I’m looking for Doctor Wong’s sulfur soap here as remedy for my back acne...(Aaron has the same problem too...) How are my cats...ibinalik na ba si Bonyat? Pusa ko ‘yun.... Aaron told me that there were four of them that celebrated New Year, andu’n daw si Raymund ang nobyo ni Angeli. Kumusta naman ‘yung dalawa? Have you seen “30 Days of Night,” watch it. I recommend it since it’s an adaptation of the book pati na rin ‘yung “I Am Legend” ni Will Smith....it’s a remake of the apocalyptic movie “The Last Man on Earth” and the “Omega Man” which starred Charlton Heston...asteeeg. An H.P Lovecraft based movie will come out soon ‘kalimutan ko title eh.....asteeg din.. hinihintay ko mapirata sa Internet site na pinapanooran ko ng movies ha-ha-ha...Ingats and Happy New Year!

Tugon ng amang Kulamnista,

PAST Noel’s midnight feast, I asked your mom to fry me some tunsoy, the sun-baked platinum fish you speak of in those Middle Eastern precincts. I just love the sound of that sardine specie—tung hsui or water vessel that pumps up a bit of irony, tuyo nga kasi. I had some allowed wallowing in a puddle of palm sugar vinegar with crushed chilies, re-hydrated flesh pried off tidbit after wee bit and eaten a la instant sushi wrapped in steaming fragrant rice. Divine!

And I had to explain at length to a pair of masseuses over at Bing’s Beach Resort in Barangay Patar, Bolinao in Pangasinan that such humble pleasures as rice, fish, and a cornucopia of greens adorning their tables can bless ‘em with better health and well-being than a diet of beef, pork, and poultry.

Even bits of bagoong that have been worked over by lactic acid bacteria becomes diamond boon—the fish protein content had turned up pre-digested, the long peptide chains snipped shorter for easier ingestion and assimilation in the body. Juicy steaks, pork chops, and honey-glazed chicken drumsticks proffer too-long protein chains that the guts have a tough time snipping in snippets for easy bio-availability.

Ah, we do a bit of pickling with vinegar and condiments on milkfish flesh with the same alimentary end—to allow a bit of fermentation, nudging zillions of helpful bacteria to unleash their acids and snip peptide chains to bio-available lengths.

True, balaw-balaw or burong isda smells hellish like unwashed nether labia but the protein content in the fish is ready-to-ingest in the gut lining. Mabilis na naisasalin at napapakinabangan sa katawan.

(Parang nakikita mo siguro kung paano ako magbigay ng lecture, he-he-he.)

The masseuses were insisting that they work me over, probably what “Hello Garci” did kneading poll figures to foist up a winning edge. Then I had to explain some more that the nearby pounding sounding surf had kept me awash inside out with negative ions. That had recharged me many times over and I may just return their compliment, kneading their figures thoroughly if that pleases ‘em—nah, I’m not charging a cent for that.

Remember: We slept beside streams and flowing water in the Sierra Madre and Makiling to allow our bodies to soak up the negative ions—mystics, hermits, and certain people versed in arcane arts do the same. Charge up and refresh.

Teka, the explosive force in hand and foot blows are generated by iremi or the turning of the entire body as such blows are delivered. Hindi naman kailangan talaga ng mataas na tadyak, kahit pa magandang tingnan. Kailangan: igkas-sa-bilis na tadyak.

Teka uli, pakibigay naman sa ‘kin ang URL ng website na ‘yan na pinapanooran mo ng pelikula.