Kalampag ng anak, kuripagpag ng ama

Kalampag ng anak sa doodles11006@yahoo.com:

A 22-year old native of Davao, he’s the new clerk we have over at the camp that got bunked with me and a new guy… the previous bunkmate resigned for personal reasons (gusto lang nu’n makauwi na rin). I nearly contemplated on actually resigning… there are other openings in the Emirates states more attuned to my field rather than be stuck here for another year inhaling gas fumes; kung hindi ko lang iniisip ‘yung tuition ni Arjuna nakapag-resign na rin ako. I’ll just whip up a bogus reason to be let off like my two other roommates did.

I was advised by a colleague not to do so; it won’t be allowed by the company, so I’m going to have to wait… maybe the contract would be cut short. We got wind of reports that a licensed engineer is itching to sue Sara International Manpower Agency—he was contracted as an engineer but right now he is used as labor and he isn’t allowed to resign. So the moment he comes home resbak agad. Agencies are scrounging for manpower due to the scarcity of workers that they could recruit back there. For my position alone, they haven’t found additional staff needed by the unit including replacements for two of my colleagues who quit.

I’m nearly short of fuse with the backstabbing colleague of ours…hinayaan na nga siya sige pa rin… I am just constantly reminded by some Saudi friends that due to laws governing expats here, I might get into trouble if I do maul him. Pero pag hindi ako nakapagtimpi baka kung ano pa gawin ko sa taong ito. If this was in the Philippines I would have readily whacked him para magkalabasan lang ba ng init ng katawan.

Panalo si Obama, kahit na ako gusto ko siyang manalo eh for a change.

Kuripagpag ng ama sa noqualmasabomb@yahoo.com:

ATTENTION deficit disorder o kulang sa pansin ang kupal na Penoy bugok na kasama mo sa trabaho—walang lunas ang ganyang kapansanan at kahit dito sa Kalye Rafael Salas sa Ciudad Real, may mga ganyang terminal case. Wala kang mapapala kapag pinatulan mo ‘yang talamak ang low self-esteem, sobrang mababa ang tingin sa sarili. O, tingnan mo nga si Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo—she may be short and short-sighted but she makes up for it by telling tall tales every time.

I could be flat-out wrong trotting an apothecary’s diagnosis but that bloke, to remedy his moribund case of oral flatulence, may need lots of Paederia tomentosa—that’s the scientific nomenclature for what we Tagalogs know better as… uhm… kantutan.

Whether it’s the weed or the deed, aba’y talagang napakainam at malinamnam ang naidudulot sa katawan ng kantutan.

Bukod sa feel-good hormone endorphin, oxytocin ang bumubulwak na nektar sa kasukdulan ng ‘kikipagtalik, and as a July 1999 article in the journal Psychiatry would have it, “the hormone oxytocin was shown to be associated with the ability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships and healthy psychological boundaries with other people.”

Hindi naman ako magtataka kung naglublob ang buong katawan mo sa endorphin at oxytocin, ikaw nga itong nangumpisal sa ‘kin na mahigit 30 ang naging maibigang katalik, este, kaibigang matalik… Sasanaw din naman sa katawan ang mga naturang hormones for inner well-being kung may regular exercise regimen—panalo ang soft martial arts tulad ng qigong, wuyiquan, taikiken, o aikido, lalo na ang tinatawag na deep prayerful meditation.

Loving caresses… even those done on us by the feline and canine wards at home can trigger release of that wonderful biochemistry… kaya nga nagsawa kayo sa mga masuyong himas at haplos noong kayo’y mga musmos… kaya nga lumaki kayong may mga alagang aso’t pusa… hanggang ngayon naman, ako’y nanghihimas at nanghihilabas-masok… it’s a safeguard against crabby, cranky behavior.

So there’s this well-stacked number I’ve introduced to my Thirstday beer buddies as one I do NGO work with… gusto pang alamin kung ano ang NGO, ‘kako’y nine great orgasms, mwa-ha-ha-ha-haw!

Uh, those Wall Street monsters committed plunder, a non-bailable offense in our neck of the woods but George Wimp Bush punished taxpayers while rewarding those monsters with a bail-out… kaya hindi ko siniputan ang invite ni U.S. Ambassador Kristie A. Kenney sa kanilang election watch party nitong Nobyembre 5… tatabo pa rin ang U.S. sa visa applications ng mga Penoy bugok ng P3 million a day, ah, such asinine madness…