Friday, October 03, 2008

Low-skilled job-seekers: send resumè to theassociateconsultant@yahoo.com

THE jobs available pay minimum wage. If you’re young, fresh off high school and your English enunciation isn’t likely good enough for reading through a trough of prepared responses in a call center, grubbing it as service crew for a 24-hour convenience store—or jobs similar to that-- would be just as decent.

Save. Make sure you earn a college degree. To get better-paying jobs.

Just don’t come to me begging for work.

A single mom, plump as they come, approached me once as I dug in for lunch at a diner. Unceremoniously plied a plea for me to spare her some cash as she and her kid was about to be thrown out of their rented home. Distressed damsel sized me up as someone who’d come—if pun is intent, peg it firm at a camp, likely a kamposanto para makikilibing-- to her rescue.

Landlady got paid. Lady drowning in woe was landed and laid.

Mula kinatirikang masaklap natirikan pa ng masarap ang harap…kaya yata naghanap-hanap.

Sa patahian ng isang katoto naipasok ang nakilalang nadesperadang ina—na dati palang
high speed sewer in a multinational garment manufacturing outfit. Maganda naman ang kanyang pagkita sa pinagpasukang trabaho pero nagkukumahog pa rin sa pakikipagkita. Mind the pronunciation of key syllables, will you?

Giit ko’y wala naman siyang dapat bayarang utang na loob. Nagpupumilit naman na ibutang raw sa loob. Ibutang? Ilagay pala ang kahulugan niyon sa wika nila—lalong hindi napalagay sa mga kasunod na pihit ng pagyayarian, este, pangyayari nga pala.

Kapag ganito ang inaararong usapin sa pitak, hindi marahil mambubulabog sa kanyang mga kaibigang komentarista sa radyo ang isa naming masugid na tagasubaybay, si Ben Rosario ng Manila Bulletinutol ng aming kabungguang-bote, Dodo Rosario—para maipabatid pati sa madlang tagapakinig ang mga kahindik-hindik na pagtalakay dito. Tiyak kawawa sa nanay at tatay ninyong nasa hudikatura ng bansa kapag sinampahan tayo kapwa ng kaso. Consensual harassment. Inciting to seduction.

Say, I’ve been doing qigong for a clutch of years. The martial breathing regimen has afforded some two-bit skill in tantra, an esoteric Hindu sex practice that allows one to withhold discharge of precious fluids… while ensuring that the other becomes awash in wave after wave of orgasms… So I love and leave ‘em contented. Not stranded high and dry.

So they beg for more of the same. Do it singing the pambasang lawit, oops, pambansang awit as flagpole plugs hole. Taranta sa tantra. Arcane knowledge translates to staying, satisfying power that beats oral contraceptives— howl “hell, no!” or swallow. So they don’t get knocked up for sure. Just swept off-- and with the patented walis tambok, between-- their dainty feet.

Because it’s all about having gut-spelunking scrumptious sex. Or making love. Not babies… The push and pull that produce people is such a lousy job turned up by those of low skills who actually enjoy doing such a job but often take no long-term responsibility for it. Kaya dumarami lang. Pero nagkakahindut-hindot ang populasyon ng Pilipinas. Maraming walang trabaho, mas maraming ayaw maghanap ng trabaho.

Ah, wushu gold medalist in the 2008 Beijing Olympics Willy Wang told me once at the Kapihan sa Sulo media forum that qigong is a lot more brutal than wushumahirap talagang maibigang katalik kaysa kaibigang matalik.

Teka, magpapasalamat po kami kay Ms. Czarina C. Videña— isa ring masugid na tagasubaybay nito—na nagmagandang loob na tumulong sa mga nangangailangan ng mapapasukang trabaho, high-skill, middle level-skill, low-skill jobs are offered. That gives me a lot of time for think, food, and drink. Kaysa mag-asikaso ng mga samut-saring seksing sasakyan sa emission testing centers.

Pahingi ng paumanhin sa mga sasakyang dilag at alindog with sound chassis, some brazen, whose engines are still in good running condition. Kahit naman kasi matikas ang tirik, taba at haba nitong tambutso, ayaw namang labasan ng usok saanmang emission testing center. Na tulad niyong Hotel Sogo.

Pakiramdam ko kasi’y para bang hindi nilisan ang pagiging sundalo. Pilit isasabak saanmang putukan… ilululan pilit sa malaking sasakyan patungo sa labanan. Ano ngang sasakyan ‘yon? Sex by sex?

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