Salaysay ng anak sa firstname.lastname@example.org:
HERE are pics of yesterday's occasion. I cooked for my bwisitas on my birthday; they loved my cooking, naubos yung hinanda ko. First time daw sila nakakain ng pagkaing tao; I was supposed to cook something new but I lacked the ingredients so basic na lang ang hinanda ko.
I saw Angeli's pictures, they are nice pero bakit malabo 'ata yung ibang kuha? Mama still looks radiant hindi pa rin halatang old unlike you ha-ha. Angeli's gown is very formal... napaka-serious naman ng suot niya, parang di ako sanay na makita siyang formal... pero nice dress ha. I noticed the tummy though, it's bulging and she looks, well, fat... So Raymond's hair has grown, most of the pictures I saw of him in Angeli's Friendster profile he's clean shaven... he looks big in his barong or is he big?
Saluysoy ng ama sa email@example.com:
Pasta and fruit salad, madali ngang lutuin—pero mas matindi if tomato paste was sauce base stirred in with 2-3 fistfuls of fresh basil, two cups of minced celery, dashes of oregano, 2-3 cups minced garlic and 3-5 cups of crab roe (aligi ng talangka). I’m glad you’ve easily taken to cookery which, like enduring love, must be plunged into with endearing passion.
Baka manghilakbot ka kapag nakita mo si Angeli playing monster twin to Judy Ann Santos in an upcoming Regal horror film.
Raymond was looking good—and he’s really that big while his bride Angeli, well, she does eat with much gusto calories are setting up a bivouac at her waistline. Raymond’s father is an amiable fellow, we hit it off first time we chatted up over whiskey toasts to the newlyweds. Summer’s blowtorch spell paused for a heavy downpour on Raymond-Angeli’s nuptials, why, we took that as a blessed sign from the heavens for the union. Ah, marriages are also a union of families, even Raymond’s grandmother shared earnest pleasantries with me—talagang tumatanda na ‘ko.
Sure, your mom’s radiant as ever while the old looks become my self. The years like a frontiers man’s axe have hewn me much, I ought to hurl new marching orders to the cell colonies on my face to ease up their rough edges and shine like crazy diamonds, twinkle like suns. Easy does it. As a long line of masters before me have it, there is a continuum which links all living things together so that the smallest cell does not pulsate without its effects being felt in the furthest reaches of space.
And I won’t need buckets of Glutathione, Metathione, or Malathion shot-fed into my bloodstream to reach such physical results.
Napasobra ang higpit ng salpak sa dugtungan ng isang metal tent pole last All Souls Day and none of those gathered before your Lolo Dominador Gomez’s burial site could wring the poles apart, so I asked your uncle Boyet to grip an end of the pole while I wring the other end—umikot pati siya nang pihitin ko’t paghiwalayin ang pinagdugtong na tubo, ang lakas ko raw pala. Hanggang sa kabundukan ng Montalban, ganoon pa rin ang naging papel ko—tagabukas ng takip-garapon at mahigpit na takip ng soft drink…
Ganoon yata ang tumatanda. Mas mahigpit na ang gagap sa maraming bagay-bagay. Or I must have learned much grasping at or getting a grip on all those loads of lessons I’ve been lucky to be dealt and blessed with over the years. Saka ‘yon nga: the hideous knot of strength that can be unleashed through the wrist comes from constant praxis of circular strength training and rhythmic breathing. Wuyiquan. Qi gong. Orientals know a thing or two about wringing secrets out of Mother Nature.
A few avid readers are telling me the tidbits of know-how and some plied out in this column has become more accessible to them with our correspondence, so keep the electronic mails coming—whether or not there’s generous foreplay or incessant digital dawdling of G-spots.
God bless, Godspeed!